If it wasn't for Mexican time I would be 15 minutes early and on time.

I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching... my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.
Believe in your potential even if you havenít seen the results. The right people will have your back. Only on The DeMarco Show #untouchable
Condoms should change to different colors according to whatever disease they come in contact with.
Never be afraid to lose. That's what makes you UNTOUCHABLE!!
We live in a generation where losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.
It's not who you are that holds you back. It's who you think you're not.
Deleting your Facebook is like running away from home. You're just doing it for attention, and you'll be back an hour later.
Girls who participate in No Shave November are also participating in No D December.
It doesn't take much to make a woman happy. However, it takes even less to make her mad.
I also have a second degree black belt in sarcasm.
If someone is ugly, you call them a stalker... If the person is good looking, you call them a secret admirer.
You owe it to yourself to be the best you can possibly be.
I like sleeping.... It's like death, just without the commitment. Good Night!!
Let us all take a moment, and be thankful that spiders can't fly. Remember anywhere you are at in your house there's a spider within 11 feet away in range. Sleep well!!
Terrible moment when you die and go to hell because you didn't pick the right religion out of 4,200 in the world.
Ladies, How to keep a man. #basics 1. Long hair 2. Stay looking hot 3. Sex anytime 4. Shut up
Even your closest friend that swore to always have your back no matter what..... could be the enemy within!!
Sometimes the first step towards forgiveness is realizing the other person is extremely crazy.
How do you know the Chinese have moved into your neighborhood? The Mexicans get car insurance. #hello #new #neighbors
Living life like it's game 7.
Never give up on your dreams.... keep sleeping.
So, if you get "sexted" by someone you didn't want to, did you just get molexted?
Did you know some people celebrate things without alcohol? .... I didn't either.
Your joke was funny, but I do not like you.... therefore I shall not laugh.
How do you photoshop yourself and still be ugly? That's like cheating on test and still failing.
Being successful doesn't mean you win everything, it means you push yourself as far as you can go no matter the consequences. Only on The DeMarco Show
They say nice guys finish last. I say nice guys don't finish at all.
If I've offended you, I'm very sorry that you're a pu$$y with no sense of humor.
You think seven years for breaking a mirror is bad? Try breaking a condom.
A gift card is a great way to say, "Go buy your own damn present!" #HappyHolidays
That annoying moment when you have to be nice to someone you don't like.
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
If you can't be a good example then at least try to be a horrible warning.
New condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's gonna get your paychecks.
You're 15... Your ass should be feeling butterflies in your tummy, not a baby kicking.